The DMV Chronicles, Volume II

A List of FAQ by DMV Customers

1. "I have to pay?"
2. "Why do I have to fill out the application? My information has not changed."
3. "I don't have to wait in line, do I?"
4. "No, I don't know my number. Don't you have it?"
5. "I don't want to take my photo. I like my old picture/I didn't do my hair/shave."
6. "Why do I have to take a test? I:
a. have been driving for 1000 years
b. didn't have to take a test last time
c. know my vision is bad, but I'm a very good driver. If I go to the eye doctor, who's
supposed to pay for that?
d. didn't have to take a test in New York" (to which I reply either Welcome to California!
Or Planes Fly Both Ways Across The Continent, Buddy.)

When asked for legal presence documents (i.e. birth cert. passport):

1. " I know my social. Can't you look it up?" (a customer from of out-of-state asked me that.)
2. "I have my phone/pg&e bill." (this is in reply to my specifically asking for a passport or birth certificate)
3. "She doesn't have her birth certificate, but I'm her mother".
4. "But my friend..." (that one is my favorite. if your bogus papers don't work, pointing out that you know someone who did beat the system oddly doesn't work in one's favor.)

When checking in for a Drive Test:

1. "What does insurance and registration look like?"
2. "It doesn't say on the website that I must provide my own car for the drive test."